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Wednesday November 24, 2004: Morning meditation

  

            It's been a long time since I've meditated in a large group. Groups create their own aura, which can pump up and influence the individual's awareness level. The negative side of this phenomena is expressed by mob psychology: individuals are carried along by group emotions, acting in ways they would not consider if they were alone. Many of these yogis have become cautious about whom they meditate with, just because of this group effect. Open your awareness, lower all personal defenses, and you become vulnerable to imbalanced auras.

         The positive side of group auras comes in situations where everyone is experienced and with similar grounding in an ethical system.  The idea of "whenever two or more are gathered in my name" is based on the realization that multiple people focused on the same form of the divine do indeed create a more powerful link. People may experience deeper or more prolonged meditative states when in the right kind of group, especially if meditating with a spiritually advanced teacher.

           I have not meditated in a large group since the retreat last year. I come to this retreat with no expectations, no desires for any type of experience. I just look forward to having an entire weekend to meditate and focus on spiritual topics with other like-minded individuals. I arise early enough to shower and get ready for the first meditation of the retreat, throwing in my contacts just before going down. We are to meet before breakfast, in the basement room where the puja had been held the earlier day. 

         V.G. arrives and gets himself situated in the front of the room. People filter into the room, finding chairs or spots on the floor. Most are wrapped in their prayer shawls.  The room seems cold and I rewrap myself several times before getting comfortable enough to meditate.

           It is good to see V.G.. He has lost weight and looks trimmer than last year.  I know he has altered his diet since being diagnosed with diabetes several years ago, but this morning he thanks Maureen for showing him a yoga pose; in the last year it has taken four inches off his waist, he claims. All the women in the room insist that Maureen show them the movement.  I recognize the pose as a movement from Pilates -- balancing on the tailbone while extending arms and legs in a 'V' shape.

          Time to settle down to business. V.G. gives a short talk. With a group this experienced, there is little preliminary for a meditation; a short chant and then silence.  I close my eyes. Dang. There's a problem with my left contact. It feels like some small particle beneath the lens. A mild level of pain shots through the left eye.

          But, I tell myself, the meditation has started.  I could slip back upstairs and fix the lens but that would mean missing part of the meditation and possibly disrupting others when I return. Maybe I can escape body awareness; rise above the awareness of eye discomfort. Losing body awareness should be simple enough.

         No, not this morning. Every time I begin to lose body awareness, my left eye begins to throb, the eyelid begins to twitch in muscle spasms. I am dragged back to body consciousness. Darn.  I'm not about to leave the meditation just to fix a contact.  So what am I left with?  If I cannot get into a deep meditation, then I must make the best of the situation.  I can still open my heart to the divine. I can bring all of me, the good, bad and throbbing left eye, to the divine. 

           Ah, it has been a while since I have come to the divine with the specific focus of giving thanks, of letting my heart sing with love for the divine. My recent meditations have centered on opening to divine love and then allowing that love to radiate outward into the world.  To block out awareness of all but myself and the divine seems almost self-centered by my current standards, but today it seems appropriate.

          Whatever I have -- pain and joy -- I bring to the All Mighty. I had forgotten how wonderful it is to indulge in this simple pleasure.

To be continued........

        

Posted on Wednesday, November 24, 2004 at 05:50AM by Registered CommenterThe Skeptical Mystic | CommentsPost a Comment

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