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Friday Aug 20, 2004: Personal: Spiritual Messenger or Expert -- Not!!


Why is it that authors want you to believe that their story -- of being given the secret teachings of an ancient culture, or the inside story of life, reality, and the universe -- is all the more plausible because there was nothing previously in their lifestyle to justify being approached?  They've been chosen to serve as the messenger of some timeless message without ever studying or having any earlier experiences with other realities.

I want to be fair about this.  I can't really judge their experiences because I wasn't there.  I just always struggle with this idea of them being chosen because of their lack of experience or preparation. 

Over a thousand multidimensional experiences later, I still am questioning -- why me, God?  I'm still not sure how to explain my more recent experiences, even with the full awareness that these were built upon a fifty-year foundation of encounters, teachings, and being hit over the head with spiritual two-by-fours.  My experience sure doesn't match up to the accounts I read about in other people's books.

I have two images of myself -- neither of which involves being a messenger of great spiritual wisdom.  The first image is that of a spiritual chicken.  If I had a brief and intense encounter that was totally out of touch with anything I previously had experienced, I'd sit on it for a long time.  I'd file away the information in my memory banks and hope that-- as I advanced in my understanding and experiences -- someday the retrospective analysis would make more sense.  I think I'd be too chicken to run out and make a public career out of a single episode. (Note: I'm counting "teaching" episodes that last over a one month or even several years as a single multidimensional event because the Participant/Victim/Blessed-One is working with exactly the same reality -- just extended over time). 

Talk about being a skeptic! *Giggle*  Do you suppose that's why I've never been chosen to be a messenger? 

I've come to suspect lately that my end-goal must be different.  Maybe it's okay for me to be a chicken because moving too fast on my path would end up in a crash-and-burn.  Still, I wonder why my inner teachers are so patient with me.  I read books of people who go into intensive multi-hour meditations, practiced over extended periods of time -- all in hopes of some brief glimpse of the divine.  I mostly run away from other realities.  There is something about reality turning inside out that always makes me uncomfortable.  

The only part that saves me from being a total chicken is the second half of my spiritual personality -- that of a stubborn mule.  Something inside keeps me coming back and poking around the idea of reaching further into reality, of trying to make sense of how everything fits together.

I came up with the image of a spiritual mule to keep my ego from getting side-tracked by some of my more profound mystical experiences.  When I have all these extreme psychic or spiritual encounters, I picture my inner teachers have picked up that two-by-four and hit me over the head as a way of getting my attention.  They need to make sure I move in the right direction, maybe so I'll be where they need me for whatever they have planned in the future.  I sit there stunned for a while, shake my head, and have that moment of looking around to get reoriented.  "Oh, I need to learn something here -- maybe change the direction in which I'm traveling, or get rid of some of this extra baggage I'm carrying?  Sure.  No problem."  

On my down-days, I figure my inner teachers must regret picking me as a student. How I drag my feet. On my more optimistic days, I figure that stubbornness may make me a difficult student, but it's also what keeps me returning for more.  Maybe someone less stubborn would have kept running away after their first intense experience.

Posted on Friday, August 20, 2004 at 05:11AM by Registered CommenterThe Skeptical Mystic | Comments1 Comment

Reader Comments (1)

Your reference to spiritual chicken made me laugh out loud!!! I can totally relate to sitting on spiritual info for a while. For me it takes a bit of sitting time for the egg to hatch into something I can use. I too think my inner guides must have amazing patience.,.whilst sometimes I run around like a headless chicken, clucking myself into a stupor, whilst I let the learnings gathered hatch lol!

As for ego attachment to the divine and experiencing gandiosment well I can relate to that also...hey forgive my ego for thinking it was more than it is...luckily another part witihin me recognises the lie within that :).

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