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Thursday June 16, 2005: Personal: The Realities of Blogging

         Notice how I’ve become slack about writing for the blog? I apologize; it’s not due to lack of interest in writing as much as being very wrapped up in a new relationship. Hopefully things will settle into a more normal routine and I will be able to return to regular blogging. For now, however, whenever Randy and I aren’t together, we tend to be emailing back and forth. I’m doing as much or more writing than ever, but this isn’t what I planned on when I first started blogging.

          Look at me – in my mid-fifties and off in a whole new direction. Who would have guessed? I’d settled so comfortably into the groove of a single parent’s life. So much time and energy had been poured into repairing the damage of the divorce and building a firm foundation in the boys’ lives that, when the boys finally left home, I never experienced the proverbial ‘empty nest syndrome.’ I felt completion. I could release attachment to the role of actively involved mother and revel in the new-found freedom of focusing on my own life. What delight I discovered in rebuilding daily routine around my own needs and desires, inner needs that previously had been put to one side by events and obligations in the lives of my children.

         One of those deep inner needs involved writing. I'd started a book about multidimensional realities, polished it into completion, and even had it edited, only to realize I still was not happy with the finished product. The sudden decision to tear the book apart and rebuild it with a different approach became a solid commitment, yet I hesitated -- unable to actually begin deconstruction.

        I'd started blogging as a side-line and a discipline of writing daily (even though it usually takes days before I actually post an article). Blogging became a deeply satisfying curiosity, a place where I fully intended to explore ideas about consciousness for the follow-up book of multidimensional realities. Ah, yes, that was the concept behind the original Skeptical Mystic: dabblings from someone who questioned not just the possibilities and optional interpretations of other realities, but who re-examined the everyday reality most people take for granted.

         I started off the blog with basics, to provide readers with a background for deeper issues, with occasional ramblings about pet peeves. Letters and comments brought up other subjects. The interaction with readers brought a new enthusiasm to covering issues long since resolved in my own life.

          My original intent slid to one side. There were issues in my boys’ lives now that they were adults, off and searching for answers to inner mysteries. I was reminded of my own painful struggles at their age, trying to integrate expanding realities into some form of balanced lifestyle, aware how much I’d sheltered my children from any of these realities in an attempt to bring stability to their lives. I started covering every subject I could think of that might someday arise in their life. More letters came in from the blog. The more I wrote, the more I realized the Skeptical Mystic was becoming more like the Pragmatic Mystic. Time to get back to more in-depth work on consciousness, I thought. Certainly Randy’s scientific background and his focus on evolution has led to numerous conversations about how we perceive reality and how awareness interacts/depends on brain function.

           Here’s the rub – I’m too caught up in exploring the relationship with Randy to keep up on regular posts if I focus intensively only on awareness issues I’m still sorting out. For blogging in the near future, I may look for easier subjects, with words and thoughts that flow onto the page with less struggle. Subject matter may not look much different from what I’ve written in the past, but for me it is a painful step away from the subjects that relate to my current inner growth.

         The blog has gone in its own direction. More experienced bloggers may be laughing at me for my naive assumptions about controlling its direction. Did I not know it could take on a life of its own? I still hope to work off-line on awareness issues, but for now, I figure it’s better to take the path of least resistence: I’ll continue to post – without the illusion that I can keep the subject matter organized. Maybe I just need time being more personal and less intellectual.

Posted on Thursday, June 16, 2005 at 09:18AM by Registered CommenterThe Skeptical Mystic | CommentsPost a Comment

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