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Saturday October 7, 2006: The Face of God; part four (Regression)

          There occurred strange situations in my everyday life, twists and turns in psychic dimensions that made no sense in terms of my current life. These pointed to ancient Egypt , though not directly to the life I’d led there. Were memories of the High Priestess’s life once again bleeding into this lifetime? That would be a bummer, since it would mean I’d still left behind some ancient emotional scar.

         How weary I became, just thinking of the need to revisit that particular lifetime. Most lifetimes have a single event which (once understood and resolved) free one from a significant series of emotional blocks in this lifetime. How many times lately had I ended up back in Egypt ? I’d learned more than I wanted to know of Seeka’s life---the young priestess had been brutalized by the High Priest through much of her childhood, all in an effort to keep her psychic powers under his control. Surely, I’d seen and experienced enough to understand her plight, enough to let go of that life and get on with the business of living this life.

           Yet, I did seem to be stuck. I’d never had trouble before opening the third eye. If I was reading the signs correctly, my best and perhaps only hope of solving the third eye problem was to go back to Seeka’s life. Please, I whispered, let this one final regression put Seeka’s life to rest.

           I feel strongly that you should not go back into past lives if your intent is to search for a colorful or famous life. Your identity in a past lifetime is not going to pay today’s bills; nor will it impress your boss when you miss a dead-line.  If boredom, curiosity or a desire to improve your self-esteem is tempting you to try regression, do yourself a favor and forget the past. Think about the life you would like to lead, the person you would like to be, and then focus on how to change the things inside (or outside) yourself that keep you from living a better life.

          On the other hand, going back to distant lifetimes to uncover, to understand and to resolve emotional issues serves a definite purpose. It can provide help when you are unable to make headway solving problems, especially if---after a search of both current and past situations/events in this lifetime---you come up with no rational explanation for your reaction to current situations.

           I finally sat down to meditate, focusing on the High Priestess and the third eye. What memory stood out? How could I pull this memory into my awareness? Getting into past lifetimes is not a matter of projecting oneself back, further and further in time. The consciousness shifts and one stands at a hub with the past lifetimes spreading out like the spokes of a wheel. Once centered this way, one must focus on the emotions under examination; it is sensitivity to the fine details of overlaying emotional patterns that pulls one into the corresponding lifetime.

           So there I was, standing at the Hub. The next step would carry me...would carry me...nowhere. I couldn't take that next step. Fear gripped me and kept me from making that move. I tried to booster my confidence and force a bold leap forward. I couldn't move.

          I sat for a long time, breathing hard, trying to understand. The fear experience brought up memories of climbing the ladder to the high dive when I was a child. I am afraid of heights. I remember standing in line, and then climbing up the ladder until fear would grip me. I would stand on the ladder, knowing the only way down was to continue up and out onto the board, knowing that other kids did so with no ill effects, knowing that I had jumped before and survived. It wasn't the jump itself that was painful. It was conquer­ing my fear. There was that moment of wanting so badly to back out and knowing you couldn't climb back down. It was the moment of pushing yourself past the fear.

          This was my moment. I stood on the board, willing myself to take that first step, that one that would carry me past my fear. My will remained frozen. My body could not respond. I continued to stand, immobilized. When I could stand the tension no more, I backed out of meditation.

         The next week was spent building my resolve during the day, standing immobilized on 'the board' each night. There was a frustra­tion with myself that I couldn't get past the fear. There was a nagging concern about whether I really wanted to come face to face with something capable of stopping me so com­pletely.

          I posted a quotation by Anais Nin up on my mirror..." And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." That was where I was -- not even a turning point. I could not turn around anymore. I couldn’t run.

          I’ve evolved into a person who has little patience with anyone who turns to a spiritual life as an escape from life’s problems. To reach the deeper truths takes more faith, courage and persistence than whatever would be required to face the everyday world. If the mind itself creates barriers when it feels threatened by what is unacceptable, have you the courage to uncover whatever is necessary to make memories acceptable and accessible?

          I paused, wondering if I should be careful exploring a past that seemed blocked so completely. This Egyptian lifetime had waited three thousand years before it began surfacing, and I truly believe the timing was due to this lifetime’s emotional stability, to years spent learning a wide range of techniques for facing issues.

         If I was being guided in this procedure by spiritual teachers, then surely they knew how much I could safely handle. My own small voice whispered, “Ah, yes, and what about the times you behaved as a stubborn, bull-headed student, one who stumbled ahead blindly in her own determination, rather than following prudent advice from her elders?”

         I’d forced things to surface once before by undergoing hypnosis, and then found myself unable to understand or deal with the memory. There breifly arose the fear that I might be facing another such circumstance. More prayer. More searching for some edge or corner of the problem where I might nibble away at smaller, less threatening issues.

Posted on Saturday, October 7, 2006 at 10:43AM by Registered CommenterThe Skeptical Mystic | CommentsPost a Comment

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