« Wednesday May 30,2007: Lakshmi Ritual, Commitment or Petition? | Main | January 11, 2007: WWI War Diary and Letters from the Front, Expanded: Connecting to the Past »

Saturday, February 17, 2007: Back to the Spiritual Search

         I’ve been procrastinating, trying to avoid addressing this subject (or the events that followed) by focusing instead on old family records. It really is time to get back to spiritual subjects.

         When we left off, I’d just experienced a terrible beating, an experience brought on in meditation by trying to uncover blockages to my spiritual progress. I had found myself back in a past lifetime, reliving what appeared to be not just memories, but the actual experiences of a young high-priestess-elect. More importantly, I had to face a deeply held problem of my life—fear of being too different from those around me, fear of admitting to spiritual experiences that differed from what I saw described in accounts of traditional spiritual encounters, fear of admitting to experiences that might stigmatize me within the scientific community.

        The final realization of my experience brought a tremendous sense of emotional release and an opening to new realities, new spiritual possibilities. However, it would have been foolish to leap forward, based on such an ‘awakening.’

        The first thing one should do, when confronted by such an experience, is to look back objectively and search for other explanations. Was there any experience in my earlier years that might have resurfaced in a disguised form? I grew up in the fifties, and it was not uncommon for parents to spank their children or wash their mouths out with soap to reenforce family values. Despite this time period's social ‘norm,’ I grew up in a functional, loving family, and while I can’t say my parents were never driven to these disciplinary methods as a last resort, these methods were seldom used---especially with me, since my parents claimed I so seldom misbehaved. Spankings were never more than a few swats, never given in anger, and resulted more in bruised pride rather than flesh.

        Was there any other childhood incident, emotionally based, which might be reinterpreted subconsciously as a severe beating? Something that might have taken place when I was close in age to the high-priestess-elect? No, despite an honest and intense search of childhood memories (and even those of adulthood), I could think of nothing. Then, I questioned, could this be symbolic of any other type of incident? Did I feel beaten into the ground by events in my first marriage, by the divorce, or by the struggle after the divorce? That might be a possibility, though it seemed a stretch to connect those struggles with the brutal beating. Still, to be totally honest in evaluation, it had to be considered an option.

         More important to me than proving whether I was reliving a past lifetime or symbolically facing a deep-seated emotional injury of this lifetime, was the lesson learned. I had a long history of being afraid of standing out as too different. When I found out that intellectual learning came too easily and that other children had to put forth effort to learn their school work, I put up blocks to make my own learning more difficult, trying hard to blend in. When I discovered my spiritual experiences went far beyond those of more experienced chelas (or at least those who’d been on a spiritual path for more years), I again put up blocks to keep myself from reaching too far beyond the norm.

        These personal restrictions, the fears that brought them about, were in place long before my marriage, which I suppose might weaken the argument that the beating symbolized events of my mid-life struggles. Still, I was less interested in what happened during the meditation than in the emotional blockage removed in the final realization.

          It is easy to get caught up in spiritual experiences and how profound, or deeply true they feel (usually more real and true than everyday life). Always, I think we need to concentrate on this lifetime. This is the life we’ve been given to live. If a spiritual experience helps move us forward in the quest to become a more complete and loving individual, then keep the focus on the lesson learned; focus on carrying the lesson into everyday life.

         I realize many of my experiences seem bizarre, too far beyond the norm. I am not attempting to prove their validity to others, or even myself. Wherever they come from—other dimensions or my own psyche—they should be used as clues to point me towards healing of whatever blockages might keep me from being the person I strive to become. 

Posted on Saturday, February 17, 2007 at 04:25PM by Registered CommenterThe Skeptical Mystic | Comments4 Comments

Reader Comments (4)

I admire your honesty and the unflinching way you look at your experiences. You're right--this life is the one we're given, and we need to face it and live it with integrity. One of the best things about your blog is the skepticism...skepticism has been more important than faith in my own journey, and for me this puts your blog very high on my list of the best spiritual web sites...bless you.
March 5, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkalibhakta
Thanks so much, K. Your remarks help me more than you know. It is so easy on a spiritual path to be overwhelmed by the beauty or power of any single inner experience; to hold onto the memory, reliving it until the truth of that experience becomes petrified. I have to keep reminding myself that the tendency to question, to believe I have not found the final answer, ultimately leads me to deeper truths and keeps the reality of truth fresh.
March 6, 2007 | Registered CommenterThe Skeptical Mystic
it is the soul that lives lifetimes, not the mind.
the mind is incapable of "knowing"..
it's job is to use intellect.

it is the soul who has lived.
it is the soul who "knows."

the mind shall always leech on doubts and fantasies.

in what lifetime you learned what..
is something that is relevant only to the mind.

And the soul "knows" but the lesson you learnt, and it is something that cannot be taken away from you.

you may not be able to "remember" what you learnt when.
our memory is not too sharp.

but the soul "knows" (not remembers.) what it has learnt.

your soul knows.

you know.

be happy.

be what you are. ..that is your job.


reality is not what you see outside.

you shall see the reality as it weaves it self around you when you "BE".

you cannot see "your" reality as the one wherein you see yourself as a miniscule part, of the greater reality that you see outside.

you are the bigger picture.
the reality really "IS" the way you see it.
reality is inside of you, and not outside.

be happy.
and love.
May 2, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterWroodrah
the reality is the soul. ...you.

not what your mind makes out of it.
May 2, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterWroodrah

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
All HTML will be escaped. Hyperlinks will be created for URLs automatically.