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Monday, January 25, 2010: Animal Totems

            Beth’s dream stays with me because it is a universal dream of the void, common to most of us at some point in our lives. Her dream could just as easily be mine. It is about being in a transition state, when what has worked in the past loses the ability to empower and yet we find ourselves hesitating to step forward, when we are unable to see a new goal clearly because our imagination remains frozen in old patterns.  In our quest to transverse the void, can we recognize the guides who might help us?

            As I begin tackling deep-seated fears, I want to move forward, yet I continue discovering hidden fears about opening myself to new potentials. It is not enough at this point to reason away the fears, so I keep working at embracing the negativity, surrounding it with love and waiting for the fear to dissipate. Slowly I see progress, including an opening once again to other realities. I reach out to sense the presence of other beings.

            Beth's dream of January 21 [see here] has awakened memories of my own animal totems. I pull out a mental scrapbook of old memories. There…years back, in the midst of a lucid dream…there is where I first met two of my guides---a male timber wolf and a female cougar. 

            I would never clearly decipher most of the other symbols in that dream, couldn’t tell what action I was supposed to take (stay and try to move into a new marriage relationship, or leave the marriage altogether). I was only sure of one thing--I knew without a doubt that Wolf and Cougar were not simply dream symbols. They were actual entities who had entered the dreamstate to meet with me. And it seemed obvious in the dream that--if I had the courage to move in the right direction--they would be there to teach me what I could not learn in the city-home of my dreams.

            I wanted their advice, I desperately needed their guidance right then, as I struggled through what would be the last months of my marriage. Who were these creatures? My impression of Wolf was never that of ‘a wolf’, but rather a timeless entity, holding the racial memories accumulated across generations of wolves. She-cat (as I became to address Cougar) had this similar air of collected beingness. Powerful beings, they waited in the background and did not step forward to help with the challenges I faced.

            Eventually, I divorced and moved with my three young sons to another state.  When the boy’s lives were finally stabilized, I plunged into new spiritual challenges. I still waited patiently, hoping these two animal guides would appear someday to fulfill their promise. Would they show up as inner guides in my awakened state, would they reappear in the dream worlds, or would they forever be silent observers?

          I gave up waiting and began work on a book about multidimensional adventures.  At one point, unsure how to share any part of my strange lifestyle, unsure where I could possibly go for feedback, I asked my inner spiritual teachers for help with the writing. They agreed to provide two helpers, whom I assumed would be wise authors of some bygone age.  (I had long given up on Wolf and She-cat helping with everyday concerns.)

         Dino came into my life, one of many hospital residents I helped train in cytopathology basics. Dino found a way to break through the carefully-managed, down-to-earth personality I presented to co-workers, ‘forcing’ me to gingerly confess my other realities. He was open to anything, he claimed. An English major before entering medical school, Dino even agreed to review the rough draft of my manuscript. When he read about the lucid dream, he freaked out. 

            “I’m the wolf. That is my totem.”

          Well, I could sense Wolf’s presence in the inner worlds but I was never aware of Wolf himself stepping forward. It only became obvious in later years that Wolf appeared in the everyday world through Dino. My ‘resident wolf’ was invaluable in questioning and prodding me to add more elements from my everyday life, to explain how multidimensional realities work into everyday life. The manuscript expanded, was divided, was twisted into a more reasonable format through his patient help.

            Dino not only helped me with the book but helped stabilize me emotionally when I reeled from various freaky multidimensional episodes during the year. Wolf stepped forward, in his own time and his own manner to offer guidance and protection. 

           She-cat, on the other hand, lingered at the edges of my consciousness, out-of-sight. When she finally did step in to assist, it was with a no-nonsense force of intention.

           Over a period of three weeks, She-cat would reveal to me each day one passage that needed to be reworked. I could never guess ahead of time what section she would pick, no matter how many times I read and reread the manuscript. Yet, suddenly I would be hit with some glimpse of a section and I would realize instantly why and how it had to be reworked.

           I could never push She-cat to give me more than one passage a day. I could never control what time of the day she would present the section. I never knew if she was finished with her work and would never make another appearance.  Always out of sight, I could feel She-cat waiting, motionless, knowing only that  if work was still to be done, she would pounce, catching me totally off guard.

            Eventually, the work of Wolf and She-cat seemed completed. I quit extending my awareness to reach out and connect with them. The bones of the book were completed; the editing and reworking that followed did not require their insights.

            Beth’s dream has made me realize how much I miss the company of these two totem creatures, and that it was me who turned away, afraid of leaving open psychic doors. Now that the doors are opening again, I feel a rush of excitement, feel my two dear friends and mentors still patiently waiting.

         Am I ready to receive their help in new areas of my life? What insights will these two bring with them, when they finally deem their student ready to listen and learn?

Posted on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 09:28AM by Registered CommenterThe Skeptical Mystic | CommentsPost a Comment

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