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Monday, February 4, 2013: Returning to the Mystical Path

         This year I seem to have finally settled into retirement. I am busy sorting through and reorganizing the house, at least my sections of the house. Each week, I fill trash and recycle bins, I accumulate bags for charities. As I now sort I can more objectively decide what will never be used in my current life. I was not successful with this level of cleansing before (despite multiple cullings, garage sales, and charity donations).  I sold my house to remarry, and there was so little room to squeeze the possessions of my life and history into a new husband's established home. What was left of my history and my boys' history remained in basement storage. Hidden. Neglected. Slowly forgotten as a new lifestyle evolved.

           Surprise. After 6 years in my new life, I can admit I will never use half the stuff of  days gone by. It has been neglected because it no longer fits today's life. I am surprised by the joy in simplifying, in minimizing the unnecessary clutter.

          In the same way I am now cleaning out my inner life.  After three years in Tai Chi learning the movements, I am finally focusing on Tai Chi’s inner discipline, on noting energy flows and seeking inner balance within the motion.

           I’m afraid my meditations have been irregular until this year. It’s not easy being married to an atheist with an active, semi-regimented lifestyle. We both keep up with yoga stretches and balancing poses, but I have been hesitant to carve out a special time for meditation, especially in a small, open-concept house.

           Perhaps the timing was just not right for spiritual discipline (or so I'd tell myself)--- not with the adjustment to Randy’s lifestyle, building a new home environment in two places (Ann Arbor and the cabin), and trying to redefine my own life (which no longer revolved around children or a career). I could tell myself that, but guilt lurked in the back of my mind.

            I was also running away, wasn't I? Craving a reprieve after the last spiritual step forward, afraid of what I might need to face before the next breakthrough. Historically, each test prior to an insight  became more horrendous than the one before. Could I survive anything more intense than my last challenge?  how does one ever know?

           Here I am, though, meditating each morning after rising. Randy is getting acclimated to my routine. I am rediscovering the stillness and focus. Not surprisingly, I am a bit rusty. How blissful to think this may finally be the year of emptying out, of removing the deepest, age-old blocking points. I am taking it slowly and focusing on persistent, gentle baby steps forward, but I am no longer afraid of facing the spiritual realms. I take that as my indication that the timing is finally right. 

          It feels good to begin again.

Posted on Monday, February 4, 2013 at 07:27PM by Registered CommenterThe Skeptical Mystic | Comments1 Comment

Reader Comments (1)

Good for you. Clearing clutter and beginning anew.
February 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKass

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